My nipple is on Facebook.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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