am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
