After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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