i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
