And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The air was thick with penises
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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