I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
