Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
