and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
