My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
