the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
