Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
