I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
