there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
