The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
