so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
