I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
