What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
