Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
