Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
