What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
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