And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
