Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
