MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
