We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
