My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
