when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
