I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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