he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i will never coherently bang her
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
