Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just high enough for therapy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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