She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My hand turned me down
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
