he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
