My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
