it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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