All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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