I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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