The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
