so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
