I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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