walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
