No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Randomize
