Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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