Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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