Princesses don't give blow jobs
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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