i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
