I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
