If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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