____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
