i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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