I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
