garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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