I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
